Ask Sarita: Men and Women

Question
 
Dear Sarita,
Why do men and women find it so hard to understand each other? It puzzles me how I can remain connected to myself as a woman, loving who I am and taking care of my needs, while still being open and loving towards a man and trying to understand where he is coming from – is there a practise that can help me with this?
Love Susan
 
Answer
 
Dear Susan,

This question has perplexed millennia of men and women trying to get it on and then keep their love alive in their daily life. While not wishing to sound egotistical, I believe I can shed light on this subject!

If you truly love and respect yourself, and bring deep understanding to what it is to be a woman, then you will simultaneously realise that it is essential for the balance of this world, that the male is diametrically opposite, and yet complementary. To help you understand, I would like to use the symbol of the Yin Yang. The black represents yin. Within the black part of the symbol, there is a white dot. When the yin is lived totally, it will automatically open into yang. And likewise, in the white yang part of the symbol, there is a dark spot representing yin. If the yang, white part of the symbol, is lived totally it will automatically open into yin.

This means, if you live your feminine nature totally, disappearing into love and devotion, this will lead you eventually into the masculine qualities of pure witnessing presence, ie, deep meditation. And if a man is able to live his masculine qualities totally and completely, he will eventually find the feminine qualities of love and compassion flowering within himself. In short, the man is offering a gift to the woman through his presence and the woman is offering a gift to the man through her presence. (Sometimes, it may appear that we have to become detectives to figure this out.)

The mistake a lot of people make is that they try to force the opposite sex to become like they are. This does not work and tends to kill the love. We need to honor the differences between us and find out if there is a bridge between you, where a meeting is possible. Dr John D. Martini uses a very valuable questionnaire which he calls the ‘Value Determinates’ to help couples honor the differences between them and also find the bridge. Just be who you are, let him be who he is, allow this to create friction, leading to attraction, leading to the ‘big bang’! All creation thrives on this gestalt, from the smallest atom to the biggest star. It is only human beings that find a way to twist it into a problem! Male and female are simply creation, creativity, in process…meaning, we are alive, growing and evolving. Don’t try to put your partner into a box and they will be ready to love you with totality.

Love Sarita