What is a Tantric Relationship & How To Have One
Aug 23, 2024
“The couple (yamala) is consciousness itself, the unifying emission and the stable abode. It is the absolute, the noble cosmic bliss consisting of both Shiva and Shakti. It is the supreme secret of Kula; neither quiescent nor emergent, it is the flowing font of both quiescence and emergence.” -Abhinavagupta
Relationships are an eternal puzzle. Nature had designed male and female to be opposite and yet complementary. However, humans tend to get locked into opposition rather than complementariness. We bring into the equation, our mind, conditioning and desire to overpower the other. The number one mistake many people make in relationships is trying to force our partner to change and become a carbon copy of ourselves.
This will only serve to kill the sexual chemistry which relies on magnetic attraction of opposites. We need to bring our intelligence into sexuality, love and relating, accepting the other as he or she is and from that point, finding creative ways to enjoy bringing these opposites into harmonious union, fostering a deep connection.
How To ‘Solve’ the Puzzle of the Male Female Relationship
1. Learn and understand how the male and female function and are designed
Apply this knowledge to your relationship dynamic.
Read the books:
- Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love by Allan and Barbara Pease
- Vagina: A New Biography by Naomi Wolf
- The Queen’s Code by Allison Armstrong
- The Male Brain / The Female Brain, by Louann Brizendine
- Divine Sexuality by Ma Ananda Sarita.
2. Receive a Human Design session
This will help you and your partner see if you are well matched or not. For example, if you have no electromagnetics in your combined charts, there is no chance you can be compatible sexually. If one of you has too many compromises with the other one, this will lead to one feeling very oppressed and the other one not understanding why the partner accuses him or her of being dominating.
If you are well matched but there are some challenges, there are many suggestions in a Human Design session on how to help your relationship be understood and lived harmoniously.
In India, before Human Design was discovered, people used to (and many still do) rely on astrology to determine if a couple is well matched. Thus, the art of intimacy is bolstered by esoteric science, aimed at leading to a more harmonious outcome for a couple. However, because India leans more towards marriages arranged by the parents, the outcome is not always the optimal one.
Checking, through astrology or human design, whether this relationship has the possibility of longevity is a good idea. Otherwise, often people will choose a mate based solely on the passion they feel during the honeymoon phase. Then, when the nesting hormones kick in, this relationship may or may not be able to continue.
Here is the contact of a very experienced Human Design Analyst:
Or if you prefer to have a Vedic Astrology session about your relationships go to:
Practice Tantric Practices together
Tantra Meditation methods, practiced in the couple, are the fastest path to Enlightenment, and it also requires supreme spiritual discipline. This path is best undertaken in the context of a Tantra Training for couples with experienced facilitators.
Some couples may be highly benefited by reading about Tantra and doing the practices as they are offered in a book (such as my books, Divine Sexuality or Tantra Alchemy). I have also created an online course , Master Lover which you can follow step by step in the privacy of your own home. Engaging in these practices allows couples to experience tantric love, forming a deep and intimate connection through techniques like breathing exercises and prolonged eye contact.
The Optimal Way to Practice Tantra
For Tantra in a relationship to be enjoyed at its optimum, it is best to complete a series of ‘Love Appointments’ and then, to let go of tantric practices and just be ordinary for some time. After this time of being loose and natural, the couple can embark on a new series of Love Appointments.
And after that series, let go. This weaving together of the discipline of tantric practices with the let go into ordinary relationship dynamics, ensures that the hedonistic and spiritual aspirations within us are honored equally. This leads to the harmonious union of sex and spirit within, an attainment which offers us ultimate fulfillment.
Tantra for Couples
For those who wish to have a taster of couples work in a group lasting just a few days, you can participate in Master Lover for Couples or Ocean of Bliss couple’s retreats. This is an exciting way to experience the potential of Tantra to completely reboot your sexual and relationship dynamics.
Tantric Relationships Follows Four Distinct Phases
1. Sexual Passion: Along with the awakening of kundalini; tantric relationships help us in moving our ecstatic life-force energy in and up into expanded states of consciousness.
2. Love and Devotion: The partner becomes the portal into a love affair with the whole.
3. Cosmic Consciousness: Sex and samadhi become one.
4. Descent of Grace: You become receptive to the divine infusing all aspects of your life.
Recognizing God and Goddess
As we move deeper into intimacy with our partner, we see beyond the persona and recognize the God or Goddess in this person. During Love appointments, we are able to move progressively into multi-faceted awareness and experiences of inner ecstasy, including the senses, emotions, kundalini, chakras and even more subtle movement of energies.
We realize through Tantric lovemaking, that each cell of our body contains the entire universe. This journey leads to a divine union, merging male and female energies represented by Shiva and Shakti, integrating heart, mind, body, spirit, and soul.
Why Choose Tantra?
Some couples go into tantric sex simply to improve their sex lives while others wish to find new ways to enjoy their intimacy. Some people carry sexual trauma and wish to heal this. Others may be sincere seekers who wish to reclaim sexual intimacy as sacred. Any reason a couple may choose to move on the path of Tantra together is a good reason. The Tantra path begins from wherever you are right now.
Sacred Sexuality
In a Tantra Relationship, we experience the body as sacred, sex and samadhi as one, as above so below. In fact, we are accessing the true potential of the sexual act and cultivating sexual energy. Sex can be the beginning of a new life and thus carries the imprint of the divine. Tantrikas enter the sexual act consciously, and by so doing, are able to meet the divine as the ‘open secret’ inherent in sexuality.
How Sacred Sexuality Got Repressed
It is actually a mystery how many people miss this open secret! If we look into our ancestral past, across many cultures, sex was considered a spiritual practice, particularly by indigenous, pagan, gnostic and eastern cultures. It is only in patriarchal religious traditions that the balance has leaned towards abolishing the divinity within sexuality. This has destroyed the joyful spirit of humanity and continues to lead us down a path of perversion of our glorious potential.
Tantra, A Vision for Spiritual Growth
Any culture which views the feminine as the Goddess incarnate discovers multi-faceted bliss. Matriarchal cultures are generous in spirit, tuned to mother earth and see life as love. Tantra culture goes even further, discovering the harmonious balance of both male and female energies, leading to refined art and architecture, sexuality practiced as an art form, the blending of universal energy with our mundane life. Through this, the mundane itself becomes sacred. The world urgently needs the wisdom, equilibrium, beauty and ecstasy that Tantra offers. This is why I pour heart and soul into teaching this sacred, transformative lifestyle.
The 7 level Soul Mate Training for Couples
Having been teaching the 7 level Soul Mate Tantra Training for couples since 1998, I have been privileged to witness a steady stream of miracles in relationships over the years. I have discovered how to help stagnated energies to flow again, how to bring the spark back into the sexual life of couples and how to help couples access expanded states of consciousness and inner ecstasy together. This training also fosters an intimate connection by integrating body, mind, and spirit through practices like sustained eye contact and mindfulness.
An integral part of this is nurturing couples into applying healthy communication skills. Each level of the training offers couples different techniques of intimate partner meditations and also troubleshooting tools. Couples slowly develop a tool kit, which they can use when the going gets rough between them.
There are five main reasons why rough waters arise in intimate relationships:
1. Projections
2. Stagnation in the chakra system
3. Sex is not satisfying for one or both partners
4. Misconceptions and warped ideas or conditioning about sexuality
5. Clumsy communication skills
Projections
The world and everything in it is seen by each individual in a unique way according to their inner version of reality. We project this inner world onto the outside and also onto our intimate relationships. If we carry wounding from childhood, we tend to project this wounding onto our partners. Any moment, the partner may push our button, releasing our inner pain and this then gets blamed on the partner. Of course, the partner doesn’t enjoy being projected on and generally a fight will ensue.
For releasing projections, it is very helpful to do a gestalt projection exercise, Dynamic Meditation, breath therapy and other methods for releasing the original wound which formed the projection. These methods can also address various mental health-related concerns, helping individuals strengthen relationships and overcome difficult feelings.
Stagnation in The Chakra System
We have a vertical channel for the movement of vital energy running from our sex center to our crown chakra. When we awaken the flow of life force energy, as happens in Tantra, life force energy begins its ascent. In India this is called the awakening of Kundalini. As this energy ascends, it pierces through any stagnation that may be present in the chakra system. The chakra system is made up of 7 energy centers all along the central channel. Each center carries a particular frequency, colour, lesson and gift. As these centers open, we progressively become more ecstatic and wise.
In many people, there are varying amounts of stagnation within the chakra system. The key to unwinding the stagnation is to allow flow and this includes the flow of emotions. Allowing emotional fluidity is a master key for knowing the joys of Kundalini awakening. Once Kundalini is awakened, the couple has the potential to enjoy orgasmic ecstasy in all 7 chakras. This experience is described by Osho as leading to the phenomenon of the Soul Mate.
Sex Is Not Satisfying For One Or Both Partners
It is actually astonishing to find out how many couples do not have sex or have sex very rarely. I met one couple who appeared to be very happy on the outside. However, they had not had sex for 20 years and this had led to a great erosion in their relationship. Another couple who were in my Soul Mate Training, had not had sex for 10 years. By the end of the training, they were having deeply fulfilling sex, and looked like a honeymoon couple.
Master Lover Course
Many times this dissolution of sexual relations is because the two partners carry misconceptions about how sexuality functions for the male and for the female. They are trying to fit into what they believe is what is expected and are not actually listening to their own body or to the body of their partner, often prioritizing immediate sexual gratification over deeper emotional and physical intimacy. To help remedy this type of situation, I have created an online course called ‘Master Lover’.
Misconceptions Around Sexuality
Our so-called sexually liberated society is rife with misconceptions and misinformation about the true nature of sexual needs and desires for both men and women. These misguided ideas have taken root in the fertile ground of sexually repressive ideals coming from mainstream religions. Sex education is almost non-existent in a form that can be actually applied to a person’s life for the benefit of a rich and fulfilling sexuality.
Women are still regarded as objects meant to serve male ideals. This is further fuelled by pornography, designed to make maximum profits by enslaving the male psyche to fantasy and mind-based lust without any roots in real and honest male female relations. Because the general view of sexuality stems from an outdated patriarchal mindset, women are woefully unaware of their vast potential for multiple and full body orgasmic joy, opening into spiritually expanded states of consciousness. Sexual intercourse, while often emphasized, is not the only path to achieving this profound connection.
Sometimes it happens as if by accident, that a couple will suddenly enter a realm of psychedelic sex, where body and spirit become aligned and the couple experience the miracle of oneness with each other and the universe.
These kinds of spontaneous experiences in sex have led Tantra masters to experiment with the human energy system, finding ways and means for achieving such states again and again through precise methodologies. In truth, Tantra is a very precise science and if followed correctly, it leads the practitioner into exalted states of inner ecstasy repeatedly, till these states are revealed as our natural birth-right.
Communication Skills for Intimate Connection
In childhood, we look to parents or caregivers to offer us a program in regards to discerning how to live intimate relations in the future when we will grow up. Children are like sponges, soaking up anything in the environment and this becomes an ingrained approach to life afterwards. If our parents were not able to demonstrate affection or fought a lot this will create a warped pattern in relationships in the future.
The good news is it is possible to rewrite the scenarios of childhood and discover new ways of approaching intimate relationships. But this takes dedicated homework. Family Constellation, Erickson Hypnosis, The Tachyon Vertical Reality series of groups and Colour Light Therapy Male-Female Balance Series are all very good ways to rewrite the script. Therapy can also assist couples in achieving a deeper connection through improved communication and conflict resolution skills.
The Senses in Communication
One very basic technique which works wonders is to discover the sensorial orientation of your partner and use his or her terminology when communicating.
Some persons are more visual, some more auditory, some may be more olfactive while another may be more into the kinaesthetic sense. In general, our education system only offers respect to visual and auditory types of persons. Those who are more in tune with the feeling, kinaesthetic sense, or olfactive (smelling and tasting) will often feel marginalised within the current model of education.
It was found in a study that when an education system switched to 5 senses learning, even the students who were considered not very bright, were able to excel. This is because within 5 senses learning, all types are honoured.
When you apply this to relationships, you may be amazed how harmonious your relationship will be. Listen attentively to your partner. What kinds of terminology he or she uses in daily conversation?
Example:
“I feel so hot for you!”
“Your scent drives me wild!”
“Mmmm, I want to eat you up!”
“I see your body and desire you!”
“I hear your voice in my ear and it arouses me so much!”
Or alternatively; when your partner is upset, what do they say?
Example:
“I just don’t feel appreciated by you.”
“Your breath stinks!”
“I have a bad taste in my mouth in your presence.”
“You look like you got out of bed on the wrong side today.”
“Your voice is too loud, shut up!”
Remember your partner’s sense orientation and try to apply this in conversation with them. If they are visual, use visual words. If they are auditory, use auditory words, and so on. You may be amazed how your partner responds. They will begin sensing that you are finally understanding and empathic with them and will open to you like a flower in the morning sun.
Tantra Soul Mate Training for Couples
In the Couples’ Soul Mate Tantra Training, we work deeply on communication skills as well as immersion into sacred sexuality techniques. It is so fascinating to travel the path of Tantra Relationship as a couple and to discover all the wonders of the world here and now in deep fusion with your beloved. You will discover the most powerful truths, the greatest peaks of inner ecstasy and the deep diving of valley orgasm together. You will discover the God and Goddess within, unveiling to that space beyond time, mind and ego. Can you imagine any other elixir more precious in this world?
Sex and Samadhi Are One
I always remember Osho saying about sex, “Unless your woman cries out ‘Hari Om Tat Sat!’ (Oh God this is the ultimate truth!) the man is not allowed to move into his orgasm.” I love the way he indicates that we can arrive to this point in sex where we are experiencing the ultimate truth. This has and continues to be my experience in sex and I hope and pray each and every human being can enjoy such nectar.
There is a saying in Tantra: ‘Sex and Samadhi are one’. I spent many years trying to discover if this statement is true. I wanted to know it from my own experience. And I would like to share the good news that indeed this statement is true! Sex and Samadhi are two poles of one energetic system. As we activate and open supreme ecstasy at the sex center, the other pole of the crown chakra is also awakened. It is the greatest journey on earth to discover this in the present moment.
I invite all beings to discover this supreme joy.
