Last month, Niten and I were in Lithuania teaching Tantra Spirit, a four day group devoted to exploring and weaving together sexuality, love and spirituality.
The group was comprised of 40 people and was held in a really beautiful venue, Zirnaja retreat centre, on the side of a huge pristine lake, which we had to share only with a swan and some water lilies. There was a fabulous wood fired sauna, which was in itself a very memorable experience. Lithuanians are masters of the art of sauna, and so on this occasion, I was treated to a fir scented salt scrub, and after a dip in the lake, laying down and being beaten with hot wet leaves from healing trees, and after another dip in the lake, being massaged with honey, the divine scent of which made me delirious with pleasure. Afterwards my skin felt like silk. I’ve included many pictures in this blog to give you an idea of the beauty of the place, and the group.
Speaking of pleasure, it gives me great pleasure to introduce the following survey, which we did in this group. 20 men answered the questions: what do men want and need from women, on the subjects of sex, love and relating, and spirituality? And 20 women answered: what do women want and need from men, on these same subjects? We looked into these questions while men and women were separate so we could explore the questions deeply, without input from the opposite gender.I like to think that a random group of 40 provides quite a nice cross section of ages and backgrounds and that in this sense, these 40 people represent the collective of male or female. It was a great learning experience when the two gender groups met and shared their findings. Hopefully it will help them to understand the opposite sex better. And hopefully it will help you too!
As far as I know, the only way we can bridge the gap between the sexes is to understand each other, accept each other, and learn to celebrate our sameness and our differences with intelligence and love. Tantra offers this possibility, in myriad ways.
Enjoy the insights!
What men want
- Instinctual, primitive, animal sex: an elephant in heat, she accepts his animal nature.
- Taking control of the woman, feeling his strength and power
- Hot sex
- Desire to be caressed
- Wanting the woman to be delicate
- Making the woman wild through the sexual act
- Exploration of fantasies including dressing up with costumes
- The woman offering oral sex
- Being initiated and guided by the woman
- 69 position
- Long lasting sex
What women want
- He is sensitive, can hear the woman, is able to listen
- There is long foreplay, tenderness and care, kisses, nice words and attention
- The woman feels wanted by him, preferably the whole day long
- There is a cozy environment and ritual: candle, massage, bath
- There is an evening of spontaneous loving after a whole day of teasing and foreplay
- At certain times, she likes to be over-powered and passionate
- It is very important to touch the whole body, slowly and gently. The intensity in sex should be more at the end and some women feel sex should end as slow as it started
- Dear men, never ever start from erogenous zones
- Always touch breasts and nipples at some point in the sexual union
- Do not follow the same routine in sex
- Be inside for a long time and slow down while inside
- Women do not like porno sex
- Equal exchange of giving and receiving and some men prefer to provide and take care of the woman
- To see her shining eyes and smile when she looks at him
- To receive love and acceptance from the woman
- She trusts the man unconditionally
- Desire for the woman to wait for him…she is with him no matter what
- Openness, honesty
- Open up to problems and the desire to solve any problem
- Be together in intimacy
- The man likes to be the rescuer for the woman
- Sacrifices from both sides
- Sharing common interests
- Feeling the thirst and desire for the woman
- She gives him empowerment and freedom
- Desire to co-create and grow together
What women want
- There is deep communication, trust and appreciation
- Loving touch
- She wants to be seen and respected
- She needs space to be herself
- She wants to share a living space with the man
- Love needs to be cultivated like a garden
- Do not indulge in humiliation and criticism
- Sense of humor, playfulness is a must
- Sincerity and openness
- Compliments, (she wants to hear she is the most beautiful woman in the world)
- Common spiritual practice
- Strong mutual understanding
- The Relationship has space for spiritual growth and is a foundation for the flower of spirituality
- Travel together to different countries
- Simple things like greeting the sun together, singing and dancing together.
- Experiencing Satori in love
- Multicolor: different variations
- He gives the material and the woman gives the spiritual to the relationship
- Sexual/Spiritual relationship.
- Woman is beauty and man is Godliness, ideal relationship.
- Receiving joy and blessing from the woman.
- The woman helps him feel closer to God.
What women want
- Common values; the man and woman are complimentary and in tune
- Acceptance if the man and woman have different paths in life
- Meditative sex
- Spiritual experiences will be connected to the couple’s sexuality and there is harmony between sex and spirit.
- Any small movement in sex helps the women expand into infinity
- The partner is a catalyst for spiritual states
- He helps her to go beyond her limits
- Together the man and woman bring the spiritual to everyday life
- Create something new and beautiful in this world, together